“Jason let me start by saying that you are really a special guy the deserves the best that life has to offer to you” (I thinking okay, this is good so far) “I’m so sorry about Tim, Kate, and the whole big mess that you found yourself in the middle of” “But I must tell you that I’m not gay” But Patrick you let me sleep in your bed and you even let me hold you. “Jason I know and maybe that was wrong, but I felt you needed to feel some security in your life, I never really meant to lead you on” But you even let me touch you and I know you knew. “I know and you are right I did know but I let you continue” Why did you let me continue Pat? “Jason I don’t really know how to answer that” (I’m thinking but I can’t come to a logical answer in my head either.) “Jason I just feel like we can be very good friends, I think we are good for each other in many ways, just probably not in all the ways that you want or need right now” Patrick, I’m sorry I got the wrong idea. “Don’t worry about it Jason, I’ll still be here for you” (This is good in a way but far from what I had been expecting him to say. “You are a really cool guy and I like the manner in which you handle yourself” What do you mean Patrick? “It’s just how you take the bad and somehow make good out of everything that seems to happen to you” Patrick you are good for me and that’s all I need. “Jason, I can be your friend but let’s be honest here, a friend is just a start but that’s really not all that you need”
(I lowered my head I wanted to cry but I did not want to show him that I was feeling weak, but somehow I knew he was very aware of this)
“Jason I know you are hurting right now, I want you to look me in the eye”
(I didn’t think I could look him in the eye but somehow I did)
“I just want you to know that when you do find that man that you so desperately seek that he will be one lucky guy, I just hope that when you do find him and you will, that you will still be my friend and that you will never forget about me” Patrick I could never just forget about you!!
Patrick, can we just stop talking right now? “Yes Jason, it’s okay I think I’ve said most everything I needed to tell you right now”
So I stayed on the couch and slept for a couple of hours, and then I got up and started to write all this down.